Moved back into my old flat yesterday. It has given me the freedom I've craved since moving back with my parents but at the same time, it takes me back to when DK first left for the UK. My mind is filled with the great sadness and pain I had felt back then even though I know that we are still together.
Waking up alone in the flat, going to all the shops we used to go to, having my Sunday ritual hash browns for breakfast takes me right back to all those years ago where I used to spend hours crying and not knowing where my life was going. Needless to say, I am not sure how healthy this is. Maybe I just need time to settle in again.
Another question is why I feel so sad to be back home. I am no longer cold, I have friends to talk to and to see yet I don't feel right. I'm finding my life back here extremely stressful and as a consequence I am not looking after myself very well. I have gone back to my routine of getting drunk in order to sleep at night, looking around to see if I could perhaps bring someone home so that I don't wake up alone.
Maybe I need to see a shrink.......
